Scars of life
by SMackedsuport101
Summary: What I feel should have happened after Stella told Mac that she got cut at a crime scene. Not saying more there is a bit MAc and Peyton but not much so no worries.


Mac was sitting in his office staring out of the window think about what Stella told him. _I can't understand how this could have happened. I knew something was wrong when she stormed out of the interrogation room when Hawkes wanted to take a look at her cut from the broken two-way mirror, but never did I think that it was in fact that she cut herself at the previous crime scene. That she might have HIV, what if she dies... what then? Stop it Mac you're just upsetting yourself. _Mac was lost in his thoughts and did not notice when Peyton entered his office. She placed her hands on his shoulders and in an instant Mac asked

"Stella?"

Peyton felt a little hurt, but knew that he had a special bond with Stella that no one seemed to know what kind and one that she was jealous of. She put one a fake smile and said

"No, silly it's me."

And kissed him. Mac turned around chair and looked at Peyton with a fake smile on his face

"Hey Peyton."

She could here Mac was upset and asked him with a pout on her face

"What's wrong Hun?"

"Nothing just thinking."

Mac answered with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Ok then. So I made dinner reservations for us..."

Mac did not hear the rest. He was too focused on Stella leaving the elevator and heading to her office. He caught a glimpse of her eyes and saw they were extremely red from crying and he felt a lump form in his throat. Mac finally started to snap out of his thoughts when he hired Peyton calling

"Mac, hey Mac."

He blinked and answered

"O, sorry Peyton."

"So what do you say Mac?"

Peyton asked while smiling. Mac looked at her and then his focus was back on Stella. He looked at her office and saw only a faint light from the lamp that was switched on. He then looked at Peyton standing in front of him and answered

"Look Peyton I have some paper work to finish. I'm sorry how about some other time?"

"Sure Mac it's ok."

Peyton answered sadly. She kissed his cheek and left his office. As soon as she was in the elevator and the doors closed Mac left and went in search for Stella thinking to himself _how will I ever get through a night with Peyton if all I can think about is Stella. _He knocked on Stella's office door and got no response. Opening the door slowly he called out her name, with no response again he decided that she must have already left. Mac went to switch of the lamp when he hired a sob. He turned to the sours of the sound and asked

"Stell?"

He hired another sob and noticed Stella sitting behind her desk with her knees pulled up to her chest. He walks over to her and sits down next to her. Mac turned and looked at her and asked

"Stell, are you ok?"

Stella kept her head down and continued to sob. He sighed and put his arm around her shoulder and said

"Stella talk to me."

She finally looked up at Mac and as soon as their eyes connected she could see worry in them. Stella wiped some of her tears and answered him

"No."

Mac barley hired her, but it was enough for him to pull her close while saying

"Shhhh, Stell don't worry everything will be ok."

Stella grabbed Mac's shirt and rested her head against his chest while her sobs started to get worst and louder. He felt her tears quickly start soaking his shirt and he rubbed her back in a circular motion to calm her down. Stella griped his shirt tighter and whispered

"I'm scared Mac."

Mac held Stella closer and said

"I know you are Stella, but I am here for you, you know that."

She shook her head up and down in Mac's chest and said

"I know, thank you."

He kissed the top of her head and said

"Why don't I take you home?"

Stella answered quickly and softly

"I don't want to be alone."

"You don't have to be alone Stella I'll stay for a while and we can order takeout."

"Ok."

Stella looked up at Mac and gave him a weak smile.

Mac squeezed her shoulder and got up holding his hand out to her. Stella took it and Mac helped her up. He wiped her tears with his thumbs and placed his hand on the small on her back as they walked to the door. He helped her into her jacked and before the left Stella turned to Mac and said

"You don't know how much this means to me."

Mac pulled Stella in to a hug and kissed the top of her head. They pulled apart and headed for the parking garage.

Mac pulled up to Stella's apartment building and glanced over to her just to see she had fallen asleep. He looked at her and a knot formed in his throat as he saw her cheeks where stained with tear. He kept thinking_ how could this have happen._ Stella shifted slightly in her seat and he saw she was getting uncomfortable or was it just simply a bad dream. Mac did not want to walk her, but he knew Stella would be more comfortable in her own bed. So he stroked her arm slightly while saying

"Stell wake up we are here."

Stella's eyes opened slowly and she gave a yawn. Mac patted her arm and said

"Let's get you inside."

Stella nodded and another yawn escaped her mouth. Mac got out of the car and helped Stella out. They walked up the stairs to her apartment. Stella opened the door and stepped inside while Mac followed her and closed the door behind him. They took off their shoes and Mac helped her out of her jacked. He hangs both their jackets up and asked Stella

"I'll order some takeout what do you want to eat?"

Stella smiled and answered

"Anything it doesn't matter to me."

"Ok then how does pizza sound?"

"Fine by me. O Mac do you mind if I take a shower?"

"Why are you asking me Stella you're the one who lives here?"

"Yeah your right. You know you can make yourself comfortable on the couch I wound be long."

"I know Stell."

Stella turned around and headed for the shower, but before she was far enough Mac grab her by the wrist and Stella turned back to face him and he said

"Stella you don't need to rush yourself, you can take your time."

Stella smiled at him and Mac held on to her wrist a little longer as if he was afraid to let go and see Stella disappear in front of him. He finally let goad and she left. While she was busy in the bathroom he called for pizza and something extra to make Stella feel better. When Mac finished his call he went to Stella's DVD collection and looked true it. Even though he knew it off by heart since he and Stella used to spend a lot of time together weekends at each other's places watching movies and discussing work before he started dating Peyton and he started to think _o, how I miss those times where we laughed and joked and to think it might be over in a little while._

Mac cursed himself for thinking that. He went to sit down on the couch and hired the bathroom door open and then Stella's bedroom door closes. Mac got up and knocked on her bedroom door. Stella answered from the inside

"Yes."

Mac asked

"Stella what would you like to drink?"

"Hot chocolate please and there is marshmallows in the third cupboard from the top can you put some in it too."

Mac hired the joy of an 8 year old kid in Stella's voice and imaged an 8 year old Stella smiling and running around while her golden brown curls shook and her emerald green eyes shimmered. An automatic smile grow on his face and he said with a hint of laughter in his voice

"Ok."

Mac headed to the kitchen and started making the hot chocolate. He opened the third cupboard from the top and took out the marshmallows when his phone rang. Mac answered his phone and he hired Peyton's voice on the udder end.

"Hey Mac."

"Hi Peyton."

"So what are you doing?"

"I am still busy with paper work and you?"

"Lying in bed wishing you where here."

"Peyton you know if I could be there I would, but work."

"I understand Mac well goodnight and I love you."

"Goodnight Peyton."

Mac hanged up forgetting to tell Peyton he loves her, but did he really still love her?

Mac put his phone back into his pocket and turned around just too see Stella standing in the door way wearing and pair of black sleeping pants and a Yankees t-shirt he bought her 2 years back when he took her to one of their games. He asked her

"How much did you hear of that?"

Stella replied

"Everything. Why did you lie to Peyton, Mac?"

Mac quickly wanted to change the subject so he commented on her shirt

"So I see you kept the shirt I bought you."

"Yes, I did and don't think I don't know what you're doing Mac."

"Me I'm not doing anything what makes you think that?"

"I can't believe you think I am so stupid to fall for that. Your trying to change the subject now spill it why did you lie?"

"Because…"

"Because, what Mac?"

"Because I…"

"Come on spit it out."

"Ok fine Stella, it's because I can spend a lot of time with Peyton, but I can't with you because now I need to treasure every day, every hour, every minute and every single second with you because if it does turn out that you have HIV I wound know how long you'll have or how long we'll have time to spend together and I don't, I just don't want to loss you because you mean the world to me. That's why I lied ok."

Mac felt the knot of earlier comeback and he could barley hold back the tears as he started to notice his confession was more like screaming on her. Stella burst out crying and ran to her room. She flopped down on her bed and cried into her pillow. Mac still stood in the kitchen trying to put together what happened. He blinked and then walked too Stella's bed room. He knocked on the door that was ajar and asked.

"Stella can I came in?"

Stella answered him between sobs

"No, just leave Mac."

Mac could not get it over his heart to leave knowing he made Stella's pain come back. So he entered her room and sat down on the edge of the bed. Mac placed his hand on her back and said

"I am so sorry Stell I didn't mean to upset you."

Stella gave a sob and turned around facing Mac sitting on the bed. She took his hand and cuddled it to her chest like a teddy bear and said between sobs

"I don't want to be alone Mac, but I don't want you to pity me just because of what happened."

Mac wiped away Stella's tears and imagined again an 8 year old Stella, but this time she lying in bed crying while she holds a teddy bear agent her chest looking for someone to comfort her. Mac felt a single tear ran down his face as he lay down next to her and placed his free hand on her cheek while saying

"I am not going to pity you Stella and you while never be alone because I'm always here for you no matter what."

Stella let goad of Mac's hand and cuddled into Mac's chest. Mac held her firmly in his arms as she cried. They laid there on the bed, Stella in Mac's arms for a while until they hired the door bell. She looked up at him and Mac said

"Don't worry I'll get it."

Mac brushed away some of her tears and gave Stella a kiss on the forehead. He got up and went to the door. Mac opened the door and saw the delivery boy with their food and the surprise for Stella. He paid for the takeout and closed the door. Mac walked to the kitchen and placed the food on the countertop. Stella leaned in the door frame and yawned while she said

"I guess the hot chocolate is cold."

Mac turned to her and smiled while saying

"We can pop it in the microwave and heat it up a little and in fact I did not put in the marshmallow yet so we don't need to worry about that."

Stella walked closer and leaned against the counter and replied

"Yeah we can, but it wouldn't taste the same and I like your hot chocolate."

"Ok I'll make some more hot chocolate while you set the plats or are we eating out of the box?"

Stella yawned when she said

"Where going to eat out the box… O and what's in that bag over there?"

Stella asked while pointing at the white plastic bag on top of the pizza box. Mac answered with laughter

"O look at miss noisy. It's just a surprise for you, but you're not allowed to know what it is until you finish your food."

Stella sticks out her tongue for Mac and complained like a 3 year old while pouting and crossing her arms.

"That's not fare Mac."

"Look who's feeling better and I made up my mind."

Mac took the plastic back and put it in one of the cupboard. Stella rubbed her eyes and yawned while she went to sit on the counter. Mac noticed it and asked her

"Are you tired?"

Stella yawned again and said

"No I am not tired at all."

Mac dropped a few marshmallows in Stella's and his hot chocolate and said

"You know Stella lying will get you nowhere."

Stella got off of the counter and grabbed the pizza box while replying

"Fine I am a little tired, but I don't want to go to bed on an empty stomach. Now let's eat."

Stella walked to the living room and Mac happily followed with the two cups of hot chocolate in his hands. They both sat down on the couch and Stella was the first one to take a slice. Mac looked at her as she devoured the slice in mere seconds and as she took a second slice she notes Mac staring at her and she said

"What? I am hungry."

"I can see that."

Stella ate her second slice and picked up her hot chocolate and took a sip. She smile as the liquid went down her through and after she swallowed it she said

"Just as delicious as always Mac."

Mac swallowed a piece of pizza and he commented

"Thanks Stell."

Stella drank the rest of her hot chocolate and Mac got up and went to get the white plastic bag. When he got back Stella was eager to see what was in it. He handed it to her and she took out a box of chocolate cookies her favourite. Stella smiled brightly and said

"Thanks Mac."

She gave him a hug and looked down at the bag of cookies and her smile faded as a single tear rolled down her cheek. Mac frowned and asked while lifting her head to wipe her tear and asked

"What's wrong Stell?"

Stella looked at Mac and said softly

"I missed this."

Mac smiled and wrapped his arms around Stella and said

"Me too Stell, me too."

He gave her a kiss on the top of her head and she buried her face in to his chest. Mac lost track of time and both he and Stella fell asleep on the couch. A few hours past when Mac woke up. He looked at the time and saw it was 2am. He looked down at Stella and watched as her chest rise and fall peacefully. Mac slowly got out from under Stella not waking her up. He walked to her room and got her bed ready. After that he went back to the living room and placed his right arm under the bend of Stella's knees and his left behind her back. Mac picked her up and carried her to her bed. He placed her down on the bed and tucked her in while bending down and kissed her forehead. He walked to the door and switched of the light. Before her left he turned back and said

"Goodnight Stell."

Mac stood there looking at her peaceful face and suddenly fell tears coming down his cheeks. He wiped them and as he turned around to leave he hired Stella call him

"Mac?"

He walked to her and bends down next to her while and said

"Go back to sleep Stell."

Stella placed her hand on Mac's cheek and wiped one of his tears and felt tears of her own rolling down her cheeks. She said

"Why are you crying?"

Mac answered while placing his hand on her

"I don't know Stella."

Stella looked at him and said

"Ok, but Please stay Mac."

Mac kissed her palm right under where the glass cut her and said

"Ok."

Stella took her hand off of Mac's cheek and he got up and took off his dress shirt while he un-tucked his t-shirt. He climbed in next to her and they both lay on their sides and stared at each other. Stella placed her hands on his chest and Mac pulled her closer and he wanted to kiss Stella, but he didn't. Son he wrapped his arms around her delicate figure and Stella fitted perfectly against his chest. She whispered her tanks and Stella fell asleep. Mac tucked a curl behind her ear and whisper softly as he closed his eyes

"Goodnight my love."

This was the first night in 2 weeks that both Mac and Stella slept without any interruptions.

The sun shined through the curtains of Stella's bedroom and Mac woke up. He slowly opened his eyes and saw Stella still fast asleep in his arms. Mac smiled as he looked at her and started remembering what happened last night while he tucked a curl behind her ear. He started making slow circular motions on her back and she opened her eyes. Mac smiled and said

"Morning sleepy head."

Stella buried her head into Mac's chest and moaned

"Why does it have to be morning?"

"Well Stella if it wasn't morning well all be creepy, pail creatures probably feasting on each other and then you'd be really ugly which means that you wouldn't be very attracting."

Mac answered Stella and she gave him a weird look while saying

"I did not mean it like and do think I am beautiful?"

Stella asked lifting a brow as her eyes started to sparkle.

"Stella I said attracting and yes I do think you are, but can you blame me even Don thinks so."

Mac said truthfully while starting to blush.

"You think I am beautiful?"

Stella asked again as if she didn't hear Mac's answer, but she did and it started to eat at her.

"Yes, I do think you're beautiful. I just said that."

Mac answered her again, but this time he used the word beautiful. Stella sat up straight with her legs crossed and looked at her hands focusing on the mark the cut of the glass made and asked him

"Why do you say that?"

Mac thought Stella's behaviour was a bit odd so he sat up straight next to her and placed his hands on her shoulders and when she rolled them insisting for him to let go he asked

"What's wrong Stella? Did I say something that offended you?"

Stella shook her head and said sounding a bit upset

"Mac answer my question."

Mac narrowed his brows and answered

"Because you asked me. Stella what's going on?"

Stella swallowed her tears knowing that what she was about to do now would be a bit heartless, but she had to.

"Mac I am going to take a shower and when I'm done I want you gone."

She stood up and Mac grabbed her wrist making her turn around and he could not read her eyes. They looked at each other and Stella pulled her hand from Mac and left the room. Mac followed her and before she could close the bathroom door her grabbed her by the shoulder and asked

"Stella what wrong?"

Stella blinked and said

"Mac please leave."

She took Mac's hand off of her shoulder and closed the door. He stared at the door for a while and sighed as he left not knowing what was going on with her. Stella laid against the bathroom door and dragged her hand trough her hair while sighing as she started to think _I should never have asked him that. I should have never asked him to stay, we should not have spent the night in the same bed and he should have not said I was beautiful. I mean this is not fare to Peyton because he is dating her not me anyway who would want to date a person that's so careless by cutting herself and might be infected with HIV. _Hearing herself think that, Stella burst into tears and got in the shower fully dressed. She closed the shower door and turned on the shower. Stella sat down and started to cry as the water and her tears started to seep through her clothes.

Mac sat at his desk rubbing his head while he tried to put together what had happened in Stella's apartment, trying to understand her actions. Peyton exited the elevator and saw Mac in his office. She walked over and knocked on the door. He looked up and waved her in. Peyton entered and went to stand behind Mac as she placed her hands on his shoulders and started to massage them. She leaned in and asked

"What are you doing here Mac?"

"Working why?"

"That's not what I meant. Why are you still here? You should go home and get some rest."

"Why?"

"I recon sins you spent the night here you should be tired."

"O yes, No I'm fine Peyton."

"What's wrong Mac?"

"I don't know."

Mac said as he saw Stella walking by his office. He got up and said

"Excuse me."

Mac left Peyton in his office frowning as he followed Stella and called her

"Stella wait up we need to talk."

Stella just continued to walk and Mac caught up to her and turned her to look at him and said

"Please Stell."

She looked at him and nodded yes while saying

"Ok, but after my shift."

"I'll be in my office."

Stella nodded and left. Mac watch her and a frown started to form on his face as he felt more confused. That night Mac sat at his desk waiting for Stella when Peyton came in and said

"Mac what are you doing here?"

"I am waiting for Stella."

Peyton frowned and asked Mac being serious

"Is there something I should know Mac."

Mac looked at Peyton while asking

"What do you mean Peyton?"

Peyton leaned on Mac's desk and answered

"Don't play stupid Mac I know you're involved with Stella."

Mac gasped in shock and said

"No I am not. What… what makes you think that?"

Peyton said holding back tears as she thought Mac was lying

"Mac last night when I was talking to you I saw you weren't focusing on what I was saying by on Stella walking by. When I called you and you said you were doing paperwork I was standing in front of your office and you weren't there. When I asked one of the cleaners she said that detective Taylor left with detective Bonasera and you're sitting here in the same clothes you wore yesterday so of course you spent the night with her. Now you're telling me your waiting for her. I am not stupid Mac I know when someone is lying to me."

Mac took Peyton's hands in his and said

"I am not cheating on you with Stella, Peyton."

"Then why did you spend the night with her then?"

Peyton asked as the tears started to flow down her cheeks. Mac came for behind his desk and wiped her tears when he said

"Peyton, Stella is going true a rough path I was just helping her that's all. Nothing happened between us."

Peyton nodded and said

"I believe you Mac."

Mac gave Peyton a hug and kissed her cheek. He hired a faint knock at the door and he and Peyton pulled apart. Mac waved Stella in, Peyton said goodbye and left. Stella closed the door and sat down while saying

"Mac I am sorry I told you to leave this morning."

"You don't have to be. Stella last night…"

Mac started, but Stella interrupted him

"Mac wait. I am sorry I asked you to stay that was unfair to you and to Peyton and I myself felt uncomfortable with it in the morning that's why I asked you to leave. I know you stay because I needed it and thank you, but I think next time we should just keep it as dinner."

"Stella I agree and I just want you to know that when you need to talk I am here."

Mac said as he took Stella's hands. She gave him a fake smile and said

"I haven't forget that Mac."

They sat there for awhile and Stella finally stood up and said goodbye and left. Mac sight and started to think _what I am I going to do now. I am in love with Stella, but I don't want to hurt Peyton. How did I get myself in to this?_


End file.
